When to use references vs. pointers

Use reference wherever you can, pointers wherever you must.

Avoid pointers until you can't.

The reason is that pointers make things harder to follow/read, less safe and far more dangerous manipulations than any other constructs.

So the rule of thumb is to use pointers only if there is no other choice.

For example, returning a pointer to an object is a valid option when the function can return nullptr in some cases and it is assumed it will. That said, a better option would be to use something similar to std::optional (requires C++17; before that, there's boost::optional).

Another example is to use pointers to raw memory for specific memory manipulations. That should be hidden and localized in very narrow parts of the code, to help limit the dangerous parts of the whole code base.

In your example, there is no point in using a pointer as argument because:

1. if you provide nullptr as the argument, you're going in undefined-behaviour-land;
2. the reference attribute version doesn't allow (without easy to spot tricks) the problem with 1.
3. the reference attribute version is simpler to understand for the user: you have to provide a valid object, not something that could be null.

If the behaviour of the function would have to work with or without a given object, then using a pointer as attribute suggests that you can pass nullptr as the argument and it is fine for the function. That's kind of a contract between the user and the implementation.

The performances are exactly the same, as references are implemented internally as pointers. Thus you do not need to worry about that.

There is no generally accepted convention regarding when to use references and pointers. In a few cases you have to return or accept references (copy constructor, for instance), but other than that you are free to do as you wish. A rather common convention I've encountered is to use references when the parameter must refer an existing object and pointers when a NULL value is ok.

Some coding convention (like Google's) prescribe that one should always use pointers, or const references, because references have a bit of unclear-syntax: they have reference behaviour but value syntax.

From C++ FAQ Lite -

Use references when you can, and pointers when you have to.

References are usually preferred over pointers whenever you don't need "reseating". This usually means that references are most useful in a class's public interface. References typically appear on the skin of an object, and pointers on the inside.

The exception to the above is where a function's parameter or return value needs a "sentinel" reference — a reference that does not refer to an object. This is usually best done by returning/taking a pointer, and giving the NULL pointer this special significance (references must always alias objects, not a dereferenced NULL pointer).

Note: Old line C programmers sometimes don't like references since they provide reference semantics that isn't explicit in the caller's code. After some C++ experience, however, one quickly realizes this is a form of information hiding, which is an asset rather than a liability. E.g., programmers should write code in the language of the problem rather than the language of the machine.