We Are Number One, but …

PHP, 666 bytes

I suppose this is a rather appropriate code size for a song about Villains...

<?$s=gzinflate(base64_decode("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"));foreach($argv as$a){@list($a,$b)=explode(",",$a);$s=str_ireplace($a,$b,$s);}echo $s;

Usage: php numberOne.php one,three net,villain